This week on The Nine we’re providing a public service announcement about a serious affliction that affects so many of us. Learn the signs of being a Die Hard Baseball fan. They are as follows:
9. You decorate your home with no regard for aesthetics but rather care about how much team paraphernalia you can place on your walls.
This is a classic sign. There is such a thing as taste in that too much team gear can be obnoxious, as if you’re in a TGI Fridays. However, if you’re a die-hard fan, you don’t care. You place it everywhere it will fit because you love your team.
8. You consider your MLB.TV/Extra Innings subscription to be a non-discretionary expense.
This one is simple, you would sooner give up gasoline than you would access to baseball.
7. Your friends have stopped asking you to hang out during games.
They know that you’ll always choose watching baseball over spending time with other people, unless their desired activity is also watching baseball.
6. You plan procreation around important times of the season.
One would never want to be in the position to miss a playoff game or Opening Day while your wife/you go into labor. This means absolutely no hanky panky during February or July.
5. You spend the offseason in a state of depression despite normally fun events such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.
It’s unavoidable, November to April is just the worst.
4. Your entire schedule centers around game times including doctor’s appointments, classes, meetings, etc.
When someone asks you to schedule something, you don’t check your schedule, you check the team’s schedule.
3. You can only communicate with others if they understand baseball analogies.
“So you’re saying your oldest kid is more of the Avila of the family?”
2. Summer travel is restricted to cities with MLB teams and hotels with MLB Network.
“A free trip to Paris in June? Are you crazy? We have have a nine game homestand starting that week.”
1. You develop hatred toward other people and even other entire states because they cheer for your team’s rival.
For example, you avoid the entire state of Minnesota because it’s terrible.
Do you suffer from these symptoms? If so, don’t call a doctor, you’re fine. If you don’t do these things, call a doctor because you don’t like baseball the right amount.
